by Michelle Watson
Lainey Milledge has been on a difficult road and she’s ready to share her story – – it’s okay to not be okay. Often people struggle, but are not seen or heard.
On the outside, Lainey, a 2016 graduate of Clear Lake High School, was leading a happy life, with a loving husband, a new baby and a job she really enjoyed at Iowa Orthopedics in Des Moines. Privately, she was battling anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder characterized by an abnormally low body weight, an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted perception of weight.
People with anorexia place a high value on controlling their weight and shape, using extreme efforts.
Lainey’s fight began while she was pregnant with her daughter, Charli, now two. While pregnant, Lainey found out that the baby had Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR), which is when a baby in the womb does not grow as expected.
“I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had been restricting my eating,” said Lainey. “I also didn’t like my baby bump and I always wanted to hide it.”
The struggle continued after the baby was born. Her thought process behind breast feeding and pumping was that it was a way to lose weight. After delivery she would exercise four hours a day and consume 1,000 calories a day. She was receiving care for post-postpartum depression, but was brushing off the weight loss as not a big deal. It was only after her husband, Tim, insisted on going with her to an appointment a year ago, in May 2022, that she was diagnosed with anorexia. At that time, she was being monitored one to two times a week. In June of that year, her kidneys and liver began failing. In July, she was still not doing well and she was relieved of her duties at Iowa Orthopedics.
“I did not have the kind of anorexia where you purge or use laxatives to lose weight. Mine was exercise,” said Lainey. “When I was working I would try to get 30,000 steps a day. In my head there was nothing wrong with exercise.”
Even though Lainey still did not want to admit she had a problem, she volunteered to seek help. She was admitted to the Iowa City Eating Recovery Unit. After saying good bye to her husband and daughter, her mother, Lisa Arians, took her to Iowa City. Once there, she was turned away because she tested positive for Covid. She was asymptomatic. Two weeks later, she was able to be admitted on Aug. 3, 2022.
After six weeks in the program, it was shut down.
“The closing of the Iowa City Eating Recovery Unit means there is nowhere in Iowa to get help anymore for eating disorders,” said Lainey. “Eating disorders is a leading cause of mental health deaths and Iowa has nowhere to treat this. It’s really sad.”
Following the closing, Lainey was transferred to the Eating Recovery Center in Denver, Colo., on Sept. 17, 2022, where she was totally supervised for two months, followed by partial hospitalization. At the center, all her meals were supervised and her vitals and weight were monitored. She would meet with counselors, dietitians, and a psychiatrist. She also had group therapy where she made many lasting friendships.
“I had to learn to reframe my thoughts and anxiety without taking it out through food and exercise,” said Lainey. “I also learned a lot about myself and that life is more than just your weight.”
She also participated in family therapy, where her family learned about the eating disorder and how it’s not just about the food, but the behavior and thoughts behind it. The family also learned how to address sensitive topics with Lainey and what to say and what not to say.
On Jan. 26, 2023, Lainey was able to return home. She is now receiving outpatient care in the Des Moines area from a variety of specialists. While Lainey was in Denver, Tim and Charli moved to Clear Lake where Tim got a job and Lainey’s parents, Lisa and Harold Arians, could help with Charli. Lainey and Tim sold their house in Des Moines and she returned to Iowa Orthopedics where she works remotely.
Lainey admits that she still battles with “Ed” her name for her eating disorder.
“It’s like a voice in my head. It’s a constant, silent battle of internal personal struggles, but treatment is helping. Pre-treatment I was not at all pleasant to be around, especially to my family. I have had to rekindle relationships and help to redevelop people’s trust in me again.”
Missing out on Charli’s “firsts” were the hardest for Lainey.
“Facetime just wasn’t the same as seeing her first steps or hearing her first words in person.”
Lainey said there have been some positives to come out of the experience. She has made many lasting friendships and bonds with the people she went through treatment with and others that supported her. She also said her faith has grown immensely through the process.
“I know I have a purpose other than how thin I am, or how fast I can run a mile. My purpose in life is so much more than that.”
